Baby Zephie~

One of a sudden, I feel life's so miracle...
Some said 1 year-old bind 80 year-old's behavior,
some also said that we can't measure a kid ability when he was young.
Well, I met my nephew today~
He is the way too cute than I could ever describe~~
This is the second time I met him since the day he born,
and now he is 2-year-old.
He is a intelligent and shy boy~
He was so shy when he saw me, but he never cried even once...
The smile always "paste" on his face!
The kid is so adorable,
even though all the time he was shy,
he gave me a warm hug when I was leaving.

I'm envy of him~
he has nothing to worry about,
not like other kid, he always smile and laugh,
even when he fall down and knocked his head, won't cry at all...
he is tough~
I assume he knows that after this,
it would be years later when I gonna meet him again.
hopefully he will remember me~

I doubt what will he become when he grows up later~
^_^

Bloody Ice - End of Sem

One semester is ending,
everything was just like happening in dream...
It isn't a sweet dream, nor bad dream.
In short, happiness will not be there for long,
just I never thought it would be that fast,
I don't have the ability to change everything or anything.
It was too scary that I was able to see it but wasn't able to solve it...

I would never thought of it,
that the mask I left for months would be reused,
I really don't want to wear it, but it's like I don't have any choice to decide it!
I'm not covering anything that is harmful to anyone,
just intended to cover my weak side...
too many things for me to judge,
too many issues required my acceptances.
The more I see, the more fragile I found out what I am.
I'm weaker than everyone besides me...
too bad for this...

Perhaps getting used is the worst thing ever,
once you lost it, you would struggle like hell...
I thought I might stop to analyze and predict,
however, if I avoid doing this,
I might lose my only defense shield...
I predict them so I can get to prepare what will be happening next,
I estimate them so that it could be one of the input of my prediction.
Somehow, I see something that I think I couldn't accept them at all...
I know it's going to happen... soon...
Just like what I said, the gamble I placed...
Win or Lose... result is cleared, just the time matter only...

记

别人觉得容易的事，为什么对我来说是这么难？
为什么那些别人认为不是问题的问题，我却解答不到？
为什么过了那么久，我依然接受不到别人认为是芝麻小事的事？
为什么我会有那么多的不安和恐惧？
为什么我不能像别人那么轻快豪爽？
我的天！
现实的残酷离我越来越近，梦想中的美好远远不愿靠近。

为什么人那么可怕的？？！
很可怕=(
有时候很想把自己的头躲起来呢！ @_@''

Piece of Sense

In a similar situation, but different people involving in,
different outcome and different perception...
At first I really thought my thinking was right,
but now I think you gained my respect for this.
So next time when you see me, don't plug off my tires and hide my shoes please ="(

For years, some of my memories almost fade,
From the day I was able to identify things around me,
until today, 2x years...
Sitting back at the same seat where my dad carried me when I was a baby.
I almost forget the sea, and the jellyfishes that I always liked to count last time...
today my memories was refreshed...

I realized I had changed a lot...
I liked to stand beside the corridor of the ferry and having fun in counting the jellyfishes,
but now I prefer to have a seat and listen to music and feel the wind hitting my cheeks.

我真的快崩溃了，突然间我真的接收不到太多的事实。
很累，不想面对现实，太可怕、太无助了。
就连让我发泄和落泪的空间也没有。

RIP

Year by year it goes, one by one leaving us behind,
it's like the God doesn't get my wish when I was praying all the time...
I guess I'm too late to know it's you who are involving at that incident...
If I know it earlier maybe I could go back to visit you... but chances are out.
Perhaps the God doesn't want you to stay in this pathetic way to face the cruel truth.
God brings you to another place which is free from problems and pains...
Don't miss everyone of us as it is not a good-bye, but a see you soon...
Do bless your friend so that she could recover and take legal action toward that murderer doctor!!

靖婷学妹，may you rest in peace...(090910 4am)

Rage it off!!!

I was overestimate myself,
I thought I could easily forget as I want to,
too bad I can't..
The circumstance was lot different with the previous...
I thought without binding I could live happier instead,
it wasn't... It just pushed me to another end of the cliff.
I realized how scary and how unsafe I am,
Yet tell me what should I do?
The more I think, the more I'm afraid of the truth,
the more I predict, the more hurt I gain from the result.

You're just being too selfish,
you could avoid by stop thinking about the problems,
if things remain bring no harm to you anyway..
you just never think of people beside you!
the person in your eye is human,
but the people beside you aren't human??!
you care about one person's feeling but you ignored the other feeling!
I know you like to test people around you,
I didn't tell doesn't mean I don't know it at all..
You were even testing me as well at the first place!
Perhaps I'm too noob to know what's your intention,
perhaps you think it's the best for everyone of us,
but it is just what you THINK! not me!
Yes, after all it's all my fault for being like this,
but because of this, bugged me for few days by thinking what should I do!
You made me feel that I'm just a doll!
Or perhaps I was wrong to put too much of my emotions inside,
Should I say the existence of me just to be a companion?
and your existence just to be a meat shield?
I thought I could wait until the day,
but too bad I just impatient to voice-out whatever I think off!
Will you endanger me to be the goat?
Could I trust you??

Sigh, why my life is so “interesting"?
thing just doesn't change and keep repeating the same..
I don't want to be like this anymore...
Please give me strength to allow me encounter all the fears and tears, My god!

Apparently I was being too tired...
I was thought free from my own binding will be the best,
however, it doesn't seem like that.
I've been so sick of the current,
I just want to be nobody.
Trying hard not to analyze and predict that frequent,
it's too scary for me to revive the truths.
Yes, that is scary one...
intention? real identity?
I don't tell don't mean that I don't know them,
I don't speak don't mean that I'm stupid.

I was just forgotten the facts that are always exist.
And now I remembered them and getting hurt by them.
It's pointless for me to rage it off,
I just want to lock them into the bottom of my heart.
I don't want to be such fragile anymore,
I must minimizing my emotion and feel to the lowest level as I could.

I hope to be a parasite-crab,
which only focus on the objective and aim - advantages;
no liking or feeling nor love required.
I want to sell away my soul,
where inside is nothing more but just goals and achievements.
Yes, I train myself to be feel-less and fearless.
It's too fragile and meaningless to be a kind person,
when you know that the things you gained are hurts and pain...

曰语

现实与估计好了的，离越来越远了，
究竟离开了自己的约束，是好还是坏？
得到了一小节，就会渴望多一节，就是忘了原点。
获得了超出预算的，只是苦锅里的甜头，
面对不可能的期望，只有厌倦和疲惫。
有时千算万算，就是少算了自己这一步，
最初的锻炼和磨练，变成了今日的无聊和无奈；
以前的自己渴望着今日的待遇，现在的自己期望回到从前的自在，
就只是一线之差，但不是时间的过错，
是自己不够坚持和不够坚定，摔了一跤。
明知是注定败仗一场，明知道一丝差错也会遍体鳞伤，仍是前进着，
不懂如何停止，应该在哪里划上句号？
不想再约束自己，是为了让自己开心，
不想估计和预算，是怕面对坎坷的前方，
不过那是开始预兆还是结束的记号，心里有数。
这是一场赌注，我用我的约束来赌一次，代价就是我的快乐。
几乎忘了--- 平常心....