Mess

Enviousness,
the only emotion I always used to have...
No matter how does people hurt,
they have their peaceful place to be,
a family that always be the soul of them...
I envy of it as I'm lacking out of it.
The concept that was always conveying,
"you see my smile, I witness your joy; sadness hides behind"
Clown-wannabe in short..

Just how fragile I am?
the best and the worst I am...
Endless "why" flooding my mind,
yet the answers were always by the side of my mind...
I wish I'm blind,
trustworthiness is always beside the cliff,
ignorance was the perfection.
I could only blame that I start the wrong chess after all.

My wish will never come true,
the only choice I have, face the truth...

重复

重复地磨练，必备的。
什么都需要磨练和练习。
重复了多少次的愚蠢，
才换取后来的精明。
作了多少次的笨蛋，
才有灵敏的想法；
重复地哀几千几万次的痛，
才会懂得去放开了。
就只有机会，很难再重复出现。

计划了那么多，
分析的那么多，
千载难逢的机会来到了，
真的能把握到吗？
可能不，因为脑和心又开战了。
可不可以有多几次一样的机会？
我想磨练磨练一下，
提醒自己原本的用意和努力，
也要重复地告诉自己，
我不是属于这个地方；
我只是一个微不足道的小叶子，
总有一天会合别片叶子一样，
落在地面、化为泥土的。

有些时候，笨一次就够了。

Bird-day or Birthday?

So practically, epic failed again,

The biggest gaps between happy and sad happens in a day...

From years ago,

I dislike my birthday...

Celebration from friends always remind me the tease.

Of course I really appreciate all my friends' effort in order to make me happy.

But just why?

Why friends can do it but not my family??

What I want is just a simple greeting from them,

I don't care about the present, but I want the greeting from you.

Why you all can remember that guy birthday and forget about mine?

And I'm having the same birth day with him!!

From 4 years old until now,

I really feel disappointed and unfair!

Every time I wish, I hope that the date of birth of mine will disappear from the calendar!

No people will understand how pain it was and it is going on still...

I know many people will said that I'm kind of people who is greedy,

but you aren't me...

Perhaps yes, I have what people don't have...I get what other people can't get,

but I can't get the most simple ever thing I hope...for years.

And people can get them easily...

Why I have to bear the unfairness alone but not tat idiotic blood-related guy?

Why he can get what ever he want without any hard-works

And I have work hard like a mad cow?

And the fate is really kidding with me,

second substitute, beside family...

5 years I've been waiting to see you appear,

I know it's not your fault but still why?

The day when I enjoy the maximum rate of disappointments

is always my birthday...

Or rather I shall change the "always" into "definitely"...

I was still in my process in learning,

Learn not to hope for anything as it always end up with "joy" of disappointment....