I'd lie

What will you do when the wish you awaited for years granted,
yet only you found out that it's all lies?
I lived in the lie for years,
A lie which I create to cover the truth...
Even I,myself was mistake that it is the truth,
The wish I made,
Simply just nothing more but a lie...
I'd lie to myself,
I'd lie to my own feeling and heart...

What should I do?
I thought that is my hope,
I thought it is the best medicine for me when I was hurt...
But from the beginning until now,
It's just a lie, to make myself easier and comfort...
4 years back...
It was an excuse for me to recover and release,
just because I believe that the wish will grant and that is what I want...
Excuse still remains as an excuse.

I hate myself...
I'm truly tired with myself...
I was lying to myself for 4 years.

Idiot...