蜿蜒

我的反应，我自己都吓到了；
出乎意料的冷静和没反应，
反而闭上眼睛就一觉到天明。

或许我已经麻木了，
这个“或许”我不担心，
但是如果是另一个”或许“，
那就是最让我忐忑不安的。
希望Ms. Je 说的不要“好的不灵，丑的灵！”
那我就真的跳海，海都不理我咯。

唯一的安慰就是某人的讽刺，
因为我不比别人美、可爱、温柔等！
我的烦恼减了一半，
至少应该不会是我！
就想回家的路途，
遇见了粗心大意的流星闯到屁股，
还好月亮还在，
还好心肠还在，
还好甜食还在。

我就像在坎坷危机重重的游戏里，
享受着刺激中的快乐，
就是不懂何时会跌入山崖里，
结了一个永不超生的结局。

寻找平衡点

现在生活的一切，真的失去了平衡；
如果我还是不闻不问，
会变得更加糟糕。

人，得到就不想失去，
我也是人，一样不想失去。
当然也不可以在前进，
原地踏步，有时你会看到不一样的一面。
超过了不应该越过的，
幸运的安然无恙，
不幸就会掉下湖咯。

人，没有一天是知足的
得到了一样就要两样，
就是背了太多你想要的，
回头望望，你会发觉你为那些东西牺牲的，
比你得到的还要多，
得到了有些人还不会珍惜。

要记得，失去的很难再从来，
不要失去就珍惜所拥有的，
不要喝pepsi了。 Don't always ask for more...

唯一的回忆

一年又快过去了，
回头望望，当初鼓起多大的勇气离开槟城，
也鼓起勇气逃避我不能面对的一切。
那时候的我，选择一个人离开而来到这里，我没有后悔；
虽然我不喜欢这里，至少我知道我走了对你我都好吧？
我很庆幸我最终放下了，不费我离开的目的。

考试要到了，又要搬家了。
还记得第一次来这个人生地不熟的地方时，
你陪我和帮我安排的一切。
第一次在这里吃的东西，是你的最爱，
我不再去那儿吃东西，因为我想保留那个回忆。

还蛮想念你的牢骚，
我想如果那天我真的一五一十告诉你在这发生过的事，
你又会责备我笨蛋和每次都不听你的话吧？
不过我真的学聪明了一些了哦>.<
没有你的约束和“保护”，刚开始时很不习惯的，
现在不样了。
至少我们不再犹豫和过问我们之间关系是什么。

曾经有朋友问有没有后悔认识你，
虽然有时我的信念会动摇，
可是我最后也是确定我没有后悔认识你，
改变我最多的人，非你莫属了。
过去不开心的事，我不想记得，
我只希望你过得好就好了。

=）

我本想用英文，可是我想还是不方便，
那个不方便也是我最大的安慰！
因为至少我不想让某些人知道我在写什么！
华语--〉FTW！
不懂华语？ 吃自己啦！

今天起要搬家了，正确是说搬房间，
搬了一些东西就累了，
有时觉得自己越来越没用。
我真的很不喜欢依赖别人，
可是我觉得我的能力越来越有限了。

第一次在伸手不见五指情况下待了好几个小时，
我讨厌停电，不是因为我怕黑，
而是因为太热太静了。
这次多亏了某些家伙，
把我从梦中吵醒了，
烦恼一件一件跟着来。
房间里的我，
开眼睛和关着眼睛没分别。

好想有一天我的脑子会好好休息，
好想有一天我不必害怕一个人。

好想有一天我不会太理智和现实！
如果给我一个机会，
我不会那么容易就放手！

2 0 1 2

几乎每一个星期都有地震的报告，
还比人家中马票的几率来得更高。
是不是地球要吐了？
2012真的会是人类的句号吗？

如果是真的，
你会怎样做呢？
照常做每天做的事？
当着天掉下来当被盖？
我想也只有珍惜每一天吧。
我还有很多事没做呢，
也很多的遗憾。
爱我的人，我不爱，
我爱的人，爱别人；
我爱的人和爱我的人，
心灵上的距离太远了。

比世界末日更恐怖的，
就是大考。
我每天几乎都在啃书，
不是因为我勤力，
是因为如果不是这样，
我又会想到我不应该想的。
为什么我以为我可以忘掉，
可是真相是我还忘不了。

都是自己的错，
想在两个大坑的中间，
拿着一个盖子似的，
盖得了一个，
就会跌下另外一个。
忍着不让自己出错，
不让自己违反自己定下的决心，
想问候却不敢做，
想谈天却自己在斗气。

AHHHHHHH

I really think that I shouldn't follow your path right?? (specially to Jennink!)
ahhhhh....
I realized that "high-speed regeneration" is killing me!
I must stop my steps now,
to prevent, to avoid and to ignore!

No idea but the timetable is bugging me..
Take it or leave it? Not as simple as that..
Exam is "kicking" my butt,
Study and revising like mad...
But I need a rest...

Too much problems occurred...
Can't mention here at all...
S****!!

I had underestimated myself to forget important things,
in the same time
I'm overestimated my ability to control my emotions and feeling...

Stress!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish my brain can stop function for 30 seconds... to rest at least...

Learning...

Learn to ask and not making assumption because assumption is 50/50...
Learn to manage my emotion well as emotional killed...
Learn to be not cold-blooded person because it hurt others feeling...
Learn not to be short and hot temper because it will ruined my mood and health
Learn to eat and sleep in the right time because daddy say so!
Learn not to think further because it's hurt..
Learn not to be so straight forward because people will struggle with my words...

Just like my lecturer said " Learning is fun" (although I'm not agree with this statement)

Memorable day

I'm quite tired, but I decide to jot down the fresh 20cents...

I enjoyed today very much.
Somehow I think the problem isn't problem anymore,
although I have to start all over again from zero,
life still-on...
thanks all of you^^
Friendship 4ever^_^

I watched "Ice Kacang First Love" aka “初恋红豆冰” (I m not sure whether the name is correct or not)...
I gained lots of clues from it...
I'm not a sentimental person,
but the movie is quite nice...

From the movie, what I can see that
If you love someone without expressing your words, even the "someone" know your feel,
he or she might still doubting and maybe don't even bother you.
Courage is the essences to love someone because you might be fail to get what you want from him/her.
If the one is fated to be yours, he/she will be yours. If he/she isn't, no matter how hard you tried, you'll enjoy the disappointment.

Spoiler Alert! Ignore it if you are not wishing to know the content of the movie!!!
I get touched by the hero's actions in the movie, although he fail to get her but at least I can see he sacrifice a lot just to protect the Ice Kacang from being ruined/spoiled.

Soil and Flowers

Loves don't exist without sacrifice,
sacrifice and trust are the essences of and love.
Just like the plants v. soil..
Soil sacrifice its nutrient for the plants,
the plants grow well with the nutrient provided by the soil,
flowers blossom with the sake of that.
Plants sacrifice their freedom,
because there's no way for them to move.
If they moved from the soil,
soil is not able to provide them the nutrient that they need.
The soil will be useless and meaningless without the existence of plants too.
And we're believing that the soil will satisfy the plants need!
we know that the plants will give accompany to the soil too~

Love is like a barter system,
identify the needs and wants of each other,
understand and consider their feeling,
and make a trade.
Conditional love is meaningless.
Love is nothing if you don't understand it,
Love is a rose.
True love is consist of unconditional circumstances that you won't even bother anything but just him/her...
The wrong one bring nothing but damages...

Sentence that enlighten my heart...
"You would never ever get back to your home if you get the wrong coach"

希望井还是绝望井

自己掉落深井里，大声呼喊着，等待被救出...
天黑了，我偶然低下头，才发现水面上满是闪闪的星光。
我总是希望在最深的绝望里，能遇见最美丽的惊喜。
可是水位在渐渐的上升着，不知何时会淹没所有的空间呢，
或许换个角度，井水上升会把我浮上去！
可是上到取得我，是活的还是死的就不晓得了。

我希望一切会从来，可是好像不可能似的。
我拿考试骗自己不要想太多，
可是考试后呢？？
我说过我要遗忘，可是我好像做不到。
我的心想要的，和我脑子里的是完全相反。
跟随我的心？太迟了。
依照我的脑？看不到未来了。
什么都不要想？骗人的。
希望会有奇迹，不过我好像没有那么幸运。

我是固执，固执到伤害了自己，
只好对自己说：“时间会证明一切”。
是希望还是失望，考完试再说！！

Just a general reminder...

With the existence of this blog! We will see whether my prediction will be true or not!! Although nothing to do with me, but... just curious =P... If it's true, then I win this one, if it isn't then I accept that I lose!!! I treat!!!

对不起

第一次，对自己做得到的事，
却不去理会。
你要的要求是很简单，
我可以改变自己去接受，
可是问题是你又会为我而改变什么？
我想你不会这样做。

既然两个人达不到共鸣，
恨你？抱怨？埋怨你？
我做不到。
恨一个人是需要很大的力气，
对你，我做不到。
所以我选择遗忘，
遗忘所发生的事和你。
我不想再走回一样的圈子，
几年了，总是绕了又绕，
兜兜转转还是绕在你的圈子。

相爱容易相处难，
为什么他们的爱情那么容易简单，
而我的却那么深澳？
喜欢就在一起，不喜欢就分开？
我很怕，历史会重演。
我很自私是不是？
我很渴望能拥有这段爱情，
但我怕我自己的三心两意，
会造成更大的伤害。

我很自私，
我想如果注定是我的，最后也会是我的。
注定不是我的，现在多么努力地执着和争取，最后也不会是我的。

对不起。。。

^_^

I am surprise,
because I could be such calm.
As I think I already accept the truth.
Another reason is of course,
a good new that I received yesterday.
No matter how emo or sad I am,
this new definitely make me laugh until lose control! lol..

I'm looking forward for the coming holiday!
I don't mind rotting myself at Penang for weeks!!
Because I know I won't get bored!!
He will be there! for months!!!
Oops, too excited tim...

我还是我

想了整个晚上，
我想我的推测是真的，
我当然不希望是，
但是答案已经很清楚了。

我想我自己也有自己的决定。
其实我要的东西-不难。
我讨厌等待，
我厌倦要猜测。
我需要的，
只是关心、谅解、包容和忍让。
怀疑，不是我的性格
耐心，抱歉了，爸爸良好的基因传不到给我

我没有资格批评别人
因为我很固执
我更不懂怎么让自己活在无奈和疑问中静静不出声
我会忍让，不过有限的。
一旦我认为我已经尽力了，
而结局不是我想要的，
我只好放手。
我不想再拖拖拉拉了，
拉得好累。

前面一个可以一声也没说，
就把我丢下。
我欣赏他，
不负责任到那么潇洒，
三年里一个信息都没有。
我也很佩服自己，
可以不追问理由的过了几年。
理由不重要，
只要你决定放弃和走人时，
记得走了就不要回来！

我很脆弱，
内心可能比任何一个女生还要弱，
常常飘浮不定的。
我也有冷血的一面，
但是就是不够冷和绝。

当我看见你留下的回应，
我想你的答案，我懂了

Do I have to change myself?
Am I an idiot who don't even know what I want?
How far can I go?
I'm too fragile... at least I know I am.
I'm too easy to be influence too..
Things are easily affected me...

Years ago,
I said that 2 type of person can be defined..
1 - Love is everything to him/her
2- Love is nothing to him/her...
I know my answer isn't the same as last time..
At least I know,
I changed too...

I'm on my way to learn..
Learn for improvement,
learn for emotional control,
learn to think and understand about others feeling...
learn to think from different angle...
Although they all aren't meet my satisfaction yet,
I trying my best...
I don't mind hurting when I'm on my way learning them...
Hurt sometime help to shape a tougher personality....

Just a piece of feeling...

I log back to the old "ancient" forums, for fun. I was logging to the forum I made, for my own guild in Cabal. The first ever forum I create, of cos, thanks to Sam, Fish and others. Although today, the forum is dead, I have no intention to close it. As far as I know, this is the place where remind me of the words that she said... She is no longer with us, she is far away from us and she is watching us at the heaven. I miss the old days a lot, although I feel quite funny and envy of the old "me". I can hand leveling until level 146. No hack No Bot! I miss you a lot, Nikole... Other people might forgotten you, but not me... You drew a deep line inside my mind. Really sorry... But your dear is going well for you I guess.

Another "ancient" forum is I.....RO. A game that consume my time for more than 2 years. Gain and loss. I read back my posts and it make me feel like... refreshing my old memories. Even though until now I don't really know the reason why the server was closed, I'm glad and thanks my ex-housemate for introduce me this one. The forum reminds me a lot... At least I was able see the old "me" there...

Time changed everything... Nothing can be remain the same. The one you saw him/her yesterday, but today and the future, you may not seeing him/her anymore. That's life... Fragile and short... Learn to appreciate the things you having and people around you before too late to be...

Lastly,Rest in peace, ah tu and Condolence to your family... Even though I wasn't know you but smiling with you for few times when I was there...

=）

"两个一样拥有不太好性格的人，
一个你不理会他的过去，
愿意当他的知心友，
即使他可能还比另一个糟糕，
是因为你懂每个人都有过去；
过了就算了。

一个你很计较他的过去，对他充满疑问。。
你想知道他的心底最真的一面，
你想知道很多关于他的东西。
即使他或许没那么糟糕，
可是你却很在乎那些缺点。
那是因为你很重视他，
所以对他的要求比别人高。

朋友和喜欢的人，
待遇是不同的。。。”

moodless

My hand is really pain,
just like the pain I suffered at 06 January...
What should I do?...
Really suffering...
Make me moodless to do anything...
Pain.. sigh...

痛也是自己知

真的很痛，
三个小时的疗程，
我哭足两个小时半。
原来自己身体亮红灯了也不知道！
第一次“享受”那个被电“滑”过身体的感觉，
原来我的手指在那时候也不由自己的弹痛。

一按到一些穴道时，
我真的痛到哭了。
第一次在外人前面哭了，
真得好痛，
除了指甲和头发，
没有一个地方是不痛的。
那时的我真想死死去算了！

以前为了学校，
努力练球，到后来我得到的是“痛”！
我还真笨。。。
奖杯和奖状背后，
是一滩的血和泪。
荣誉别人享，痛苦自己受！

还有几次的治疗哦，我不知道自己能熬过去吗。。
还很痛哦。。。。。

B n G

(Credit to L...)
Guys,
You have your own ways,
You could anyhow flirt and playing fool with any types of girls,
You can show off in front of your brothers with the numbers of girls you have.
You also can irresponsibly leave after you did something wrong,
Just because you're a guy...

You can keep someone in the bottom of your heart,
while you're hugging another one who you don't even love her at all.
You tend not to cheat girls feeling,
Just because you're a guy...

Before you get someone,
you could do anything for the sake of her satisfaction,
even hurting yourself.
After you got her,
you'll start criticize and even complaining about her;
then you will find lots of excuses to flirt.
Because you're a guy...

When you just get to know a new girls with better looks,
you will learn to complain in front of her,
criticize and comment about your girlfriend,
that she don't understand you, don't support you and even not suitable for you.
Just because you're a guy.

You can even fall in love with a girl that you just know her not more than two hours,
but forgotten about the one that holding your hand for 2 years.
Naturally, You like fresh and new things..
Even you dislike the girl, you can even sleep with her.
Because you're a guy

You're talked without follow your heart,
you are used to create lies in order to cover another one.
You were get used to see the one that loving you was crying,
even get used to hurt her because of your brothers.
When the moment you dislike and intended to give up,
always used "you're good, but I m not suitable for you" as a full-stop.
because you're a guy.

Girls,
like to be pampered, like to hear sweet words,
just because they fit to their ears, even the words are fake.
Hoping that everything will sacrifice for you,
because you're a girl..

You are afraid of darkness, scared of being alone,
you will cry when watching dramas and listening to emo songs.
Even though you may be tough at the eyes of your friend,
but in the late night, you will still feel the pain.
Because you're girl, you have the authority to be sad.

You always hope that he will be your Mr. Right,
You always think that you're the happiest person,
you often being stubborn in placing trust on him.
You're sensitive, you're nihilist and you will afraid,
you will let your guard down because his eyesight.
Because you're girl...

You aren't as tough as your look,
you've mentioned that you can have a peaceful life even you were alone.
But the truth is you aren't.
You will rather stay at home to play game instead of facing him,
You will rather skip your meal because you've to eat alone.
Envious when couple passing by,
Giving reasons as you aren't as pretty as someone when you felt unsafe and hurt.
You might even questioned yourself why the nice guys there, isn't yours...

I hope that the few bottles help =)

简简单单就好 ^_^

堕落了。。。

大考就要到了，抱着书的心情半点都没有！
不懂自己几时开始那么堕落了，
对于这一次的考试，真的没把握。
不晓得自己又怎么那么没自制能力！
这个学期的我真倒霉透顶，
第一次在一个学期拿了3张MC，
也是第一次一病就病了一个星期。

现在连睡眠时间也颠倒了，
心里要什么自己都不知道。。
这个学期，没有人督促我了，
不是我不要，只是我不想要他；
我不懂他的用意，
可是他不是我那杯茶。
为什么是我？？
有了花之主还妄想要别人，
过分了吧？
我希望有人能督促我读书，
不过不是那杯凉茶。

压力，像哑的吃黄连一般。
我不喜欢，却因为某些原因，
要伪装自己，演戏。。

唉~

nihilism damage deal -200%
uncertainty damage deal - 100%
Jealousy damage deal - 25%
Envious damage deal - 150%
Wondering damage deal - 100%
Lack of confidence damage deal - 200%
堕落 damage deal - 175%

HP: 2/9999 Status: Dying

主。花

夜里的花蕊，
在草丛里望着月亮，
日夜风吹雨打着。
有阳光的时候，渴望着雨水；
有雨水时则想要太阳。
有了阳光和雨水，
就渴望有人会欣赏它。

夜里的风是如此的冷冰，
可它也习惯了，
虽然在那最冷的时刻，
有人为它烧炭取暖。
可是在为它取暖的当儿，
也为别朵花儿呵护着。
无奈和可笑。
既然是有花之主，
还妄想要新的花蕊！

身边的花儿们，有了主子，
各自绽放了；
孤单离她们远了，
这朵花？你们忘了的话
无所谓~你们幸福就好。
有花之主，别妄想要多采别的；
有主之花，也别在渴望更好的，
珍惜现在所拥有的才是最正确的。

再冷也无所谓，因为如果没有冷冰的时刻，
又怎么会期待和珍惜温暖出现的时候呢？=）

无题

第一次生病也无法休息，
究竟为了什么我也不懂。
虽然心里有的烦恼不是第一次了，
一个我无法告诉别人的烦恼。

我不喜欢现在的我，
喜欢一个人又不可以说，
这感觉不好玩，
可是我在犹豫；
到底应不应该这样下去。
短讯声音响起，
常都是失望的，
不是我在等的人或等到了又不是我想看到的话。

一段梦，一句话；
我无法遗忘的。。
不告诉别人的原因我也不懂；
至少我想我心底的所希望的，
不是什么大事，也不是什么见不得光的事，
只是想把它放在心里，
不想节外生枝罢了。

我不懂到底这次我的选择，
和之前有什么不同，
也不懂到底对不对；
更不懂对别人有没有造成伤害。
伤害，现在的我有点怕，
可是我却安慰别人不要怕被伤害。
好矛盾哦！

是我在玩弄着自己的感情？
是我不相信自己的感觉？
命运该不会让我绕圈圈吗？
绕了好远又回到原点。
我害怕承诺，
因为它是最美丽的谎言。

我只是单纯想把我现在的感觉写下，至少让以后的我会记得今天的我。

On my way to learn...

I'm used to hate alone,
yet now I got no choice but trying to get used with it
I'm too scare to be alone,
and the answer behind the reasons were unknown.

Everything changed,
seem like loneliness starts to ignore my friends,
and heading to my life.
Soon and later,
I guess I really have to learn
ways to enjoy for being alone..
I think I shouldn't let my guard down anymore...

I wish for a peaceful life,
just like the one I had before.
Without worries and annoys..
I need to learn how to make the wish come true,
I need to practice a lot...endless...

I miss my food in pg too >.<
but learning not to eat too much XD